The 'Gag' Reflex
by bethsometimes
Summary: Set just after Mad Love! After her last beating from Joker Harley escapes from Gotham and instead decides to start a new life. However her past comes looking for her eventually and is all too easy to return to. (Rated M for mature themes and some strong language…)
1. Chapter 1

**Harley's 'Nearly' New Life**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing but my words and my mind. DC owns everything else.**

Chapter 1

It had been exactly 9 months, 23 days, 14 hours and 38 minutes since he had thrown her out the window. Exactly 9 months, 23 days 14 hours and 23 minutes since she had realized her back was badly broken, and it had taken a good half an hour after that for anyone to come to her aid. It was in those moments after the fall, whilst drifting in and out of consciousness that she had finally decided enough was enough.

Following the events of that night, Harley's last stint in Arkham had been relatively short. All Doctors and Therapists were in agreement that this round of rehabilitation had finally worked, or she had improved dramatically at the very least. Although she had marginally avoided paralysis and was walking within days it was heavily advised by Leland that Harley should steer away from " _any_ and all strenuous activities", Harley had rolled her eyes at Joan dramatically in response.

The proudest moment for her had simply been leaving with no goodbye, she hadn't even bothered to read that last note left at her hospital bedside, choosing instead to destroy it. She had given the rose to Ivy believing she would take more pleasure in it, so long as she remained unaware of it's original sender. On Harley's first day out of the Asylum she and Pam had blown the majority of her leftover cash on clothes, the last of it on a plane ticket. Harley had let her choose where to, believing that if she knew in advance there was a tiny chance she'd crack and leave a clue. And then he would find her.

Ivy stayed with her the whole time, shielding her eyes through passenger control and boarding. Harley had laughed at how seriously Ivy was taking the possibility of this small chance but also at the compassionate nature of her best friend, who after everything remembered how much she loved a good surprise. She had kissed her goodbye but neither of them cried, they both knew that in leaving her behind Harley was also escaping.

"We would like to welcome all passengers onboard this flight to California..."

HA! Ivy would send her the other side of the country! Her hysterical laughter was loud enough to reach the cockpit. It was the first time she had properly laughed since... since didn't bare thinking about. Harley had sat tightly wrapped in an airplane blanket, huddled up comfortably against the window. Although she took great pleasure in watching the city beneath her fade out of view she didn't fully relax until landing. She had nowhere to go and no idea of what to do next, but she was finally free. Her small red mouth brimmed into a glorious smile. Outside the airport the sun had seemed so bright it might hurt and sure enough her chalky skin tingled immediately, the light covering her like lukewarm battery acid. Closing her eyes, she smiled into the warmth. _Nice touch Ivy_. She couldn't remember the last time she had caught a tan. _Jeeeez, that sun is truly amazin!'_ With her arms outstretched she began to sway proudly, happiness seemed almost possible somewhere this bright. After learning of Harley's recovery, Bruce Wayne had secretly set up a small account for her and deposited into it a modest $2000, as a parting gesture. There had been only a single term written on a letter she had received in Arkham from her 'anonymous' recovery sponsor.

"This should help you start again. Stay away from Joker."

Now It all sat waiting for her and needed only a signature in the name of her choosing. She had been surprised initially and refused, but Ivy had later convinced her that where the money came from wasn't an issue. The simple fact was that no matter what Harley had done, who she had killed, the people she had hurt -it had all been for him and practically everybody in Gotham knew that. She just needed to get away. Finally, here she was.

Now all she needed was a name...


	2. Chapter 2

**Harley's 'Nearly' New Life**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing but my words and my mind. DC owns everything else.**

Chapter 2

"Lou hun have you got my order for table 12?" "Comin' up Jess, anything for you baby girl!"

"Thanks sweetie!.. Oh Misty, any luck finding someone to cover ya shift tonight?"

"No girl looks like ill be here till closin' ...unless you wanna give up on ya big date with the boss that is?" Laughter then suddenly erupted and absolutely filled Nell's Dinner to the brim. Harley's face flushed a modest pink whilst her baby blue eyes narrowed playfully on Misty, a magnificent smirk christening her soft face.

The Diner was as expected, a total dive of a 50's vintage throw-up mixed with desperate life stories with just a sprinkle of turquoise and baby pink paint job. The floor was black and white tiles. Obviously. Ironically though the record player in the corner played 70's and 80's music almost entirely but nobody was saying anything, the illusion was theirs alone to uphold. Also upheld was the stereotypical gimmick of waitresses in tiny pastel colored dresses, all with white aprons wrapped tightly around their waists, enhancing the hourglass as it were. Their names printed on badges above the right breast pocket, only nude tights were allowed and all wore white tennis shoes. Harley absolutely adored it. Without even trying she felt utterly seductive and hopelessly cute, her dress hem brushing the backs of her thighs gleefully. The first four buttons remained undone as her tiny frame allowed for only modest cleavage. All the other women had agreed unspoken that it was made for her. She utterly dazzled in her new favorite costume... _no not a costume, a uniform_ she had though. Gone were the days of her red and black clownsuit, Ivy had been sure to burn it.

Harley tried to hide her smile but it spread like a rash all over her face and infected every part of her body, she wondered if those around her thought she was glowing. "Not a chance!" she chimed. She had met Pete soon after moving to Cali, he had been the 'friendly guy on the street' noticing a hot blonde struggling to pull a sofa up the stoop, stoping to help her move her things into her new apartment. Naturally he offered to buy her lunch, she had politely declined at first, but something about his soft grey eyes had changed her mind. It wasn't until later she realized it was real kindness she saw shining through them. Once he learned she was looking for work he had immediately offered her a job at the Diner he part owned just outside of town. _My Knight with a shiny forehead_ she had thought and even now still giggled slightly at the memory. He had been surprised however, that despite having some waitressing experience in college she was totally unable to account for her more recent Job history. That had been the first lie she had told him. "Oh well after college I just kinda fell into the PA thing yaknow?" _Fucking 'personal assistant' to that psycho scumbag for the last 7 years of my life_ she heard herself hiss internally. During another conversation Pete had casually asked who she had worked for and although she tried to remain calm and smile her way thorough made up names and places he had still noticed how a hard black gaze fell across her face and something angry screamed behind her eyes. He never mentioned it again.

Now, through the sea of chuckles he appeared from the office, stating he merely 'had a few last minute things to wrap up and then he'd be ready to leave' and if 'that was okay with her?' _He's asking me if its okay! Wow If i'da known i'd get manners like this id'a ditched Mistah J years ago!_ Her smile faded slightly as she let out a deep mournful sigh inside her head. Even now the Joker was still able to monstrously creep into her thoughts from time to time. She convinced herself that would all pass eventually, besides she was excited for tonight. Her first proper date night in.. well ever! "Suurre it is sweetie!" she purred. Pete's loving gaze washed over her, thanking her for being so understanding he planted a quick kiss on her cheek before darting back into his office, taking care not to slam the door. Harley always noticed this, it was utterly refreshing to think she'd never hear a door slam again.

An hour or so later it seemed forever had passed by without her as she found the place suddenly quiet, she strolled back behind the counter with a smile. Once there she turned, leaning back against the bar with her arms folded neatly in her lap. She looked up to check the clock and just caught her reflection in the coffee machine. How nice it was, she thought, to see herself smiling, how nice it was to finally let herself feel happy. She stood and walked over to the machine, moving to pour herself a small cup of coffee. Her back was to the door this whole time. Behind her the raggedy chime of the door bell sang out as it was pushed open signaling a late night customer. Harley did not turn, but then why would she? This was now her everyday routine, this was vanilla ice cream with no sauce and no sprinkles. After all, one of the things she loved most about her new life was how everything was comfortably predictable. She didn't even look up from her mug as she chirped, "Sorry hun were closin' up the kitchen but is there anythin' else I can getcha?" There was a brief pause before he responded, "Actually its me who's come all the way here to _get you_ pumpkin pie."

Harley's eyes widened in sheer terror and only a whispered gasp escaped from her throat. Her hands shook violently, her coffee cup falling to the floor. The sound of smashing glass grabbing the attention of every set of eyes in the Diner, without knowing they all watched as everything she had was shattered along with it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Harley's 'Nearly' New Life**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing but my words and my mind. DC owns everything else.**

Chapter 3

Harley stood completely frozen, her blue eyes turned glassy and tears began to blur her vision. Time for her stood still but inside a deadly war stormed. She felt her insides demolished bit by bit, every passing millisecond was another blow and with each one she realized how much she had been truly lying to herself. In an instant her world had combusted and crumbled away at the sound of that voice, _his voice_. Holy fuck he was right behind her. How could she have possibly thought that running away was a good idea? How the hell had she convinced herself she was actually happy here! The joy and comfort that not 10 seconds ago had utterly consumed her suddenly seemed nauseating. She literally gaged as she tried to clear her throat. Acid swirled into her mouth and she feared she might be violently sick. Since leaving, a rage had been living inside her, feeding and nursing off her vile memories of the years of abuse, and it was that which drove all her desires to move on. All it had taken was the sound of his voice, like warm gooey liquid, to flow and caress her rage into submission. He had unashamedly snuck up and stripped her entirely naked, she had no armor, no protection. She was utterly defenseless and all her basic instincts yearned for her to turn around. She focused entirely on forcing herself not to look at him, for she knew as soon as her sweet gentle eyes met with his burning gaze she would be utterly finished. _Please no._ Fear now washed over her like a tsunami tide.

Less than two seconds had passed since the Joker had spoken and yet inside her head the last 8 months of Harley's life melted away miserably and were replaced with a shameful longing to go back to before. Finally she sighed heavily and felt as her whole body slumped in defeat. She bent down and started to pick up the pieces of the broken mug, wondering if she would ever be able to piece herself back together also. For now she agreed she could only try. "...Harley?" Pleasurable sparks of electric coursed over her body at the sound of him saying her name, and a low lustful moan escaped from her clenched jaws. She felt so lucky that he had given it to her all those years ago. _How could I have been so ungrateful?_ She cursed herself. _Making my Puddin' come all the way here to get me_. _Wow he's actually here... he must really lov..._

"JESUS FUCKING CHRIST HARL! What _the hell_ are you doing? C'mon lets just go already!" And just like that his tone turned menacingly dark and she cringed, her eyes narrowing, her mouth twisted into a grimace and with that, her rage briefly returned to rescue her. She stood swiftly and dusted herself down with her dainty elegant fingers, still avoiding the temptation to turn, she spat her words back at him "Just fuck off J. I don't want to see you." The sharp serious tone of her voice surprised her, she sounded so strong, so defiant. She immediately regretted it. Behind her the Joker hissed menacingly and she practically felt his angry heat radiating on her back. He narrowed his eyes on Harley, snarling demonically. "You.. you wanna hope to God I think you're joking" he seethed through clenched teeth. "Otherwise I promise you, you'll be coming back in a body bag." There was the direct threat she had stood waiting for, her own psychotic anger boiled up and burst through her thin red lips, her snarl now matching his. She began to scream, "OH YEA WELL..." Spinning dramatically, she went to shoot him the most evil look she could muster. And just like she predicted, her very being vaporized around him and drifted like fiery snowflakes to the ground the moment she saw him. It'd been so long but the image of his face had stayed with her, stapled and paper-weighted in her mind. But that was completely incomparable to the real thing. He was utterly, truly and unconditionally dazzling.

He was leering forward, towards her, his boney fingers clenched into tight fists on the bar. Like this he towered over her enormously and she had to look up to see his face. The California sun had turned his marble skin a milky grey and his normally dark grassy hair had lightened slightly. He wore it shorter at the sides than she remembered and neatly combed. Her mouth dropped involuntarily and her hateful words were lost in the air. Her wide loving eyes continued to search every part of him frantically. Upon seeing her reaction Joker's twisted grimace snuck back politely into a small sly smile. He knew he was winning. Leaning in closer to her he softened his face, forcing her to meet his pleading gaze. She couldn't help but notice how his dark eyes oozed like unsalvageable burnt caramel. _My puddin's such a stunner_ she mused. Her smile beamed so bright it could have lit up a city, her sudden change in demeanor caused him to stifle a low laugh, it really was funny to watch her crumble like this right in front of his eyes.

Their silent exchange was broken by the sound of the office door swinging open behind Harley. The door still didn't slam as Pete boldly rushed out to see what the commotion was. Coming up behind Harley his gentle hands caressed her shoulders and pulled her backwards. Had she been leaning towards Joker also? Pete shot a mad glance at Harley, "Well what on earth is going on here Jessica?" who immediately came to her senses as she lovingly wrapped her arm around his waist. "Oh nothing Petey pooh! This guy just kinda' snuck up on me and made me drop my coffee thats all! She beamed, Pete was transfixed on Joker who had relaxed into a seat at the bar, his arms crossed neatly in front of him, a tight smile across his face.

"I thought I heard shouting?" Pete pressed as he dropped his gaze back to Harley, his brows frowning at her questionably. "Well durh! I just got the heebiejeebies scared outta me, of course I shouted?" Her face looked so sweet, so innocent, and he instantly relaxed. I mean why wouldn't he believe her? Turning back to face Joker a cold chill ran through Pete and he fought hard to hold in a shiver. "Ha... I mean.. I guess it is pretty late and you do look kinda creepy man, no offense!" Joker's smile was both dangerous and effortlessly lovely, fear began to creep back into Harley. "None taken. My apologies kid... It was never my intention to startle you." The laughter inside Jokers head was so painfully loud Harley could practically hear it. "Sorry to bother you miss..." he inclined towards her, wanting to check something he thought he'd heard Pete say. Harley knew this and answered condescendingly. "My names Jessica." The internal roar of laughter grew louder and Joker desperately struggled to keep from self combusting into hysterics. _A new name? How fucking adorable was she!_ "Sorry to bother you.. Jess. Could I trouble you for a coffee my dear?" Pete now relaxed beside Harley, turning back towards the office. However something about Joker didn't seem to agree with him and he lingered a moment longer, pretending to check the clock. Harley simply remained astonished that he hadn't recognized the Joker, but then he had no idea who she was either. Pete spoke first, "Baby why don't you ask Misty to get this guy a coffee while you go change eh? I'm finished anyway, I just gotta grab my keys." Whilst walking back to the office Pete landed a playful smack on Harley's bottom and she jolted accordingly, blushing a deep beetroot red. Jokers smile disappeared and was replaced by a demented angry snarl, his eyes focused menacingly on Pete as he walked away. Harley knew he'd be reaching for his gun right now and sure enough Jokers long milky arm slithered off the counter towards his side. Her reaction was frantic. "ACTUALLY.. hun I've been thinkin' its pretty late to go out now? Hows about ya let Misty go and ill finish up here? ...She said she's been feeling kinda lousy all day anyways?" She was shocked to find both men gawking at her with the same absurd, bewildered expression on their faces. She tried unbelievably hard to remain casual. As casual as you could be with your criminal mastermind, murderous, psychotic ex and your overtly touchy-feely new boyfriend only meters apart.

Joker continued to watch Harley, utterly transfixed as she hurriedly backpedalled and pleaded desperately for Pete to hear her out. "NO I'm not blowin' you out on purpoise! No Petey I just don't really _feel_ like it now yaknow? Oh pleassseeee don't be like that! C'mon don't be mad at me! Im sorrrrry!" She was pulling excuses out of her mind wildly and stumbled over her words with such uncertainty Joker wondered how it all made sense in her head. Pete had stormed begrudgingly back to his office and Harley now stood in the doorway, her tiny pale body shaking slightly as her fearfully squeaky voice repeatedly begged him not to be angry and just go home. Joker saw she was shaking with fear... definitely fear. Though it wasn't Pete she was scared of, but rather what was going to happen to Pete if he so much as breathed near her again. She was right, he needed to get out faster than that. _After all this time she still knows exactly what I'm thinking... that clever little minx._ Begrudgingly, Pete forcefully stormed his way out of the office past Joker and out the door. The bell above screamed and was followed by the first door slam Harley had heard in months. Slowly she emerged both triumph and utterly crushed, her body drooping defeatedly to match her mournful frown. Joker noted however, that despite the tear tracks in her makeup, her eyes were most definitely smiling. He humored her, "Aww Harl why the tears? Something the matter pumpkin?" and she couldn't help but whisper a giggle. After all she had certainly pissed off Pete so much so she wasn't entirely sure if they were over? But more importantly she had single handily saved his life, and she smiled sweetly. "What was ya gonna do to him puddin?" She needed to know for sure. "Well first... Id have ripped his arm right out of its socket and beat you repeatedly with it. Since you enjoyed being smacked by it so much." There was the shortest pause before they erupted into laughter.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but my words and my mind. DC owns everything else.**

 **Authors note: Obviously changed the title! This was incredibly hard to write.**

Chapter 4

It had been 2 days, 2 hours and 14 minutes since the Joker had reentered Harley's life. She found herself once again covering the late shift at Nell's', fearful of letting anyone else she knew stay alone late at night. Now it was a target. Since her encounter with him at work Harley had been cautious to go anywhere he could follow her and put others in danger. Joker had already known where she lived, of course. There was no doubt in her mind that he'd been watching her for days and this thought both terrified and thrilled her.

After their fight Pete that had travelled to Harley's apartment in the early hours of the morning, desperate to sort things out. She convinced herself she could protect him there, if need be. His attempts to understand her "Little freak out" as he called it were unsuccessful. He'd simply concluded, crestfallen, _she must just be another crazy broad running from something_. They had argued for hours and gotten nowhere. "I don't understand though Jess? Its like one minute you're all over me and then suddenly you don't wanna know? And the only excuse you got is cause you was... scared? Of what was it again...?" Pete had pressed her accusingly. "Of you getting Hurt." she sighed miserably. She had walked over to a small round table in the kitchen and slumped heavily into one of the chairs, defeated. Pete had remarked internally about how awful she looked. Really and truly awful. Harley's normally sweet blue eyes suddenly burned bloodshot and tired, the large bags underneath had bruised a deep purplish red. She seemed paler than usual. Elbows resting on the table, letting her head roll in her hands, tears fell through Harley's slim boney fingers, her nails badly bitten. He had winced at the sight of her, wanting to understand this pain that had suddenly consumed her. _What on earth has happened to make her this unwell this quickly?_ "Why would I get hurt Jess?" He'd tried to speak softly but his words fell from his mouth haphazardly, both curious and fearful of her answer.

"Everyone always does" had been her reply before she'd dragged herself off to bed slowly, each step painful and sorrowful, there was no hope. To him she'd resembled a sad corpse.

The awkwardness between them meant Pete still hadn't shown up to work since their fight and Harley was thankful, it was much safer for him to stay away at this point. Harley was stood behind the same counter Joker had found her behind two days ago, only this time her whole body hummed with anticipation. It was much later than it had been, nearly 11:15 and by this time she was the only one in the diner. She marveled at her reflection in the coffee machine, everything seemed... different somehow. Turning to face the door now, both arms resting on the bar, her hands in tight little fists, she leant forward dramatically with her eyes narrowed angrily on the door. _Fight or Flight! Either way Im'a be ready for him!_ she thought, and her lips twisted into a grin gleefully as she waited. _C'mon puddin' Im ready for ya_! And waited, unmoving. For almost four and a half hours. Finally, her entire body shaking with rage, she glided her eyes up to the clock at 3:30am. He wasn't coming.

 _Where the fuck is that sick demented clown! Face it Harl he got you good! Standin' here all by yaself in the dark like an idiot! He's probably watching you right now! Havin' a good old laugh at your expense!_ Still staring at nothing Harley could almost hear his demented laughter ringing loudly in her head, tears began to swirl in her eyes. Furiously she snatched her purse from under the counter, stormed through the diner and out the door. She locked it, tearing the ' _come on in were open_ '! sign off the hook and tossing it in the air, as it fell she kicked it so hard it flew to the other side of the parking lot. Her tears were flowing freely now, small whimpers escaping her lips.

Darting round the sharp corner of the Diner she meant for her car, but instead found herself collapsing against the wall beside the dumpster. Her legs shook violently, standing on her tip toes she dug her nails into the brick wall to stop herself from falling.

Her small whimpers exploded into a full agonizing sob, she cried out painfully clutching her chest with her free hand, trying to stop herself from breaking entirely. _WHY? WHY ME?WHY! WHY!_ she screamed, her voice harsh and strained, this was pain she hadn't felt in a long while and yet this was a position shed found herself in more than a hundred times. In reality she stood like this no longer than five minutes or so, for her it felt painfully slower. Her breathing still staggered, she sighed, removing a cigarette from her purse she lit it and inhaled deeply, relaxing against the wall as she exhaled, her head tilting backwards. She lifted one leg and placing her foot on the wall she began to lean on it, bouncing slightly. She flicked away a small pile of ash that had fallen on her knee. _You'll be okay Harl, ya just gotta stay positive! It's not too late to fix things with Petey!_ She heard a small voice say inside her and she smiled reassuringly at herself, raising her hand to take in another drag. He was too quick. His slim dark figure materialized round the corner of the Diner and pushed her face into the brick wall so hard it practically left a grove, she'd had no time to call out and now turned to look at him painfully, cupping her already bloody nose. He took the cigarette from her hand and inhaled casually, with his other arm playfully learning against the wall. He watched as she ran her fingers over her grazed cheek and turned to him utterly astonished. Harley opened her mouth to speak, her lips pressing into a small tight 'O', eyes narrowed in anger, she began, "What was that.." He responded by blowing the smoke in her face, forcing her to turn into the wall, covering her eyes. The Joker leaned over her, placing his long marble arms either side of her, he waited for her to straighten up and then moved in closer. "Any other filthy habits you haven't told me about pooh?" he beamed at her gleefully, his voice condescending. She shot him a dangerous look and responded sharply, "I do many _filthy_ things _all_ the time Mistah J?" his eyes darkened, his smile creeping upwards and he moved in closer, inhaling her. She delivered the blow, "You'll have to ask Petey about all that." He stopped. Glaring at her brilliant smile, his eyes narrowed but he didn't lean away. He took another drag from Harley's cigarette in his hand, his eyes fixed on her icy gaze. He inhaled, pushing himself off of the wall to stand next to her, and before she could react he stubbed the cigarette out on her arm, breathing out with a sigh as he did. Harley recoiled in shock, wincing at the burning pain, and clutching the flesh just below her shoulder. She had been expecting worse. "Anyway toots, it appears I'm abit late! And here I was hoping you could dish me up a burger, I'm starving!" He was smiling at her pleasantly again, arms folded. She folded herself into the wall, wishing that she could somehow disappear altogether. She wiped at her eyes, smearing wet black makeup down her cheeks. "I wasn't expecting ya to show. I mean, why would ya? Im a different gal now Mistah J? I got a whole new life? I got my own place? I even changed my..." She stopped suddenly. Her name, the first thing she had reinvented about herself. _It's the only real thing about me_ , she thought "Yeah about that, I thought you'd have picked something more original? Or something witty at the very least!" He raised his eyebrow questioningly at her, twisting his grin into a condescending sneer. "Tut tut tut how truly _disappointing.._ Jessica Terner? HA!" He began to walk off chucking to himself gleefully. She stood against the wall glaring at him, unmoving, waiting. She watched as his steps slowed, she imagined him piecing it together in his head, _Jessica Terner.. Jess Terner... Jes.._ he froze. Turning to her sharply, his face slacked startled, carefully his expression crept into the most gorgeous smile, his narrowed eyes shining at her with pleasure. He'd got it. "Jester." he whispered. Harley smiled, timidly. Despite everything the potential of a new life had to offer her, at her very core she was always completely his. She had never really left him. And he knew it. He opened his arms to her, "Baby... you really are one of a kind." Harley didn't hesitate.

She ran into his embrace and he scooped her up lovingly, twirling her in his arms, she giggled madly as he muffled a laugh into her neck. He grabbed one of her pigtails, pulling on it hard and her bloody face lifted to his. His grip around her waist tightened and she winced. "Never again puddin, I promise." He kissed her so hard she feared, and secretly hoped, she might choke.

 **Chapter Notes: Watched endless amounts of youtube footage of 'Batman, The Animated Series' in order to portray the Joker truthfully but fucking hell seriously its hard to get it right. Be nice**


End file.
